I'd say it was a pretty good week if I didn't once turn into the worst version of myself. That version is a girl I don't recognize. Basically, she has a lot of jealous bones in her body and she won't stop until she's assumed, accused and agitated. The three A's. If you don't tame yourself, the three A's can sting your relationship.
It just so happens that when some women get into relationships, their paranoia level reaches dangerous proportions. I don't know where it comes from but it's an evil monster that lives under our skin and I like to call it... Jealousy. First, there's the Ex Factor: we compare and wonder if the guy ever thinks of them. Are we better in some way shape or form? Need I say more? Second, there's the Random: Do they think that girl who just walked by is more attractive than me? Do they want to hook up with them? Did they hook up with them? Yes, this sounds like a case of the crazies. A lack of confidence. A girl who needs a good dose of 'calm yourself' medication.
Mental health professionals might say that this kind of jealousy stems from (my) trust issues, which, in turn stem from a series of rotten relationships with guys who cheated (on me). I'm going to go with the latter since I like to think that I have maintained my self-esteem and I consider myself a fairly confident person.
So, the question I've been asking myself recently is... When will it stop? The bitching, the moaning, the three A's? I have yet to find an answer. So far there's no cure. Meditation maybe? No. The devil on my shoulder is waiting for bad news around every corner because that's what I know and that's what I expect. For now, I attempt to listen to the voice of reason whenever I feel the waters of jealousy begin to boil. That voice says, "Don't go to the dark side."
