Sexduction

Lately it seems as though the women of my generation have been more concerned with their physical well-being, as opposed to the “mental.” I’m not talking about “making use of your monthly gym membership” or “sand-papering your cellulite with the latest Bath&Bodyworks loofah sponge.” No, I’m talking about sex; about our natural desire to orgasm. It has always been said that men were more concerned with sex… “Sex is all they think about.” Wrong, incorrect, false, that’s a nada. We all want it.

But let’s get back to the topic, the issue at hand. “I’m just in it for the sex,” is what I hear most from my friends, the drunk girl at the diner on 86th and 1st, and my own conscience. But what does it mean to be “just in it for the sex?” One-night stands are a different thing but sleeping with someone on a regular basis will never be “just sex.” The act of sex is intimate. Your body is lusting for another human being, just as they are lusting for you. When these moments of pleasure happen on a weekly basis, there is bound to be something else between the two, other than lubricant and condoms. Continuing a sexual relationship has an affect on your mind and body. Eventually one person, or even both, want more out of what they’re getting.

It’s complicated, I know. Generally the case is that you can’t have one without the other. So, either get what you want and leave or be prepared for the “What are we?” conversation.

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The Heart of the Matter

You always know it’s that time of year when every storefront window display is chalk-full of paper- mache pink and red hearts. Valentine’s Day; when couples actually have to ring out the romance and hang it out to dry with some processed chocolate hearts and a pair of red-laced underwear. But what is it with the hearts? Or, the heart, if you will. It is love’s mascot, the symbol for feeling all emotion. We use it in expressions: “My heart is heavy,” "My heart is sad," “My heart is breaking,” “My heart is filled with love.” Why is the heart the center of love? How did it come to be that a small beating muscle would measure our feelings for another human being?

Let me first point out that I am no scientist. I can only draw information from what I learned in 7th grade biology class. Scientifically, the heart is what keeps us alive. It is connected to our neurological nerves, blood stream, and air. If the heart stops, we stop living. It’s funny how we feel a physical pain when we are rejected or our special someone has just broken up with us. But it is the heart that continues to beat long after we hear, “I’m sorry but this just isn’t going to work out.” Emotion is a part of the physical, and so is the heart. Sometimes our mind thinks one thing, while our heart feels something else. But really, the heart and the mind are connected.

Why do you think your heart begins to beat faster when you see someone you want walking towards you? Your heart knows what you want. Sometimes it just needs to slow down, but when you are in a moment, it’s simply impossible.

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Wait and See

Age… twenty-one years old. Relationship status… single and waiting for something or someone, but not sure what. Currently… sitting in a café a la Place de la Sorbonne.

I’m sipping on a cup of chocolat chaud and one word comes to mind. Waiting. This is a word that, though you may not think you use a lot, happens to find its way into our thoughts and conversations on a regular basis. Tsk, tsk…always waiting. We are waiting for the check. Waiting to meet your friend. Waiting to receive your exam grade. Waiting for your next period (that one is for the ladies). Waiting for the bill. Waiting for the dog to pee. Waiting for your skin to clear up. “Waiting for the world to change,” as John Mayer would put it. Waiting until the next day to begin your diet. Waiting for your friends to get a clue. Waiting for the next paycheck. Waiting for that special someone.

Sure, in the meantime we are busy doing all the other things we have scribbled in our daily planner. But often we wait. In terms of waiting for the one, is that the norm for every man and woman, boy and girl? Eventually, many people marry, or end up with someone for the rest of their lives. In between we spend most of our time dating different people. But what does it mean to wait for someone? Essentially, it means that it is in the cards for us to eventually meet our compatible other. All of the dates and meetings that we have with the opposite sex are like tests; getting the feel for the person across the table from you. We carefully look into their eyes and examine their potential as a lover. This “test” goes for everyone we romantically see, whether they’re walking past us or sitting across the restaurant.

It seems romantic doesn’t it? Waiting for the cliché lightning bolt. Walking down the street, glancing into the eyes of a stranger. But love will come along one day, maybe even more than once. Just you wait.

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The College Marriage

Many young men and women come out of college having hundreds of different encounters with the opposite sex. A handful of college graduates have, at one point in their life, found themselves in the “college-marriage.” Yes, I know you know what I’m talking about. Ah yes (a sighing sound), the first real love, where infatuation and love go hand in hand. This kind of relationship lasts anywhere from several months to one’s entire four years of college; and many even continue on until long after graduation.

I myself have been tangled in a year-long college relationship, in which I experienced all of the cliché attributes of the sample marriage. Though at the time I had sparkles in my eyes and saw no one but the boy I had so easily attached myself to, I find myself asking the question, “Is a college-marriage rational?” Is it smart to put ourselves in a situation where our heart and mind are so devoted to one individual at such a young age?

For those of you that are unfamiliar with this kind of relationship, I shall set a scene for you…

Sarah, 18, is a Freshman at her new University. The first couple months she was occupied with long nights that lasted into the morning. She and her friends attended every party on campus: fraternity parties, sorority parties, toga parties, you name it. She was having a ****ing good time, especially making out with a different guy every weekend. And let’s face it, we’ve all done it, it’s college right? Some time into her second semester, Sarah met Mark, a 19 yr. old Sophomore majoring in economics. Mark had recently hooked up with Sarah’s roommate but he seemed to fancy Sarah more. They clicked right away and started to spend most of their free time together. Chugging beers at parties turned into nights inside, watching their favorite classics… Varsity Blues and Van Wilder. Mark and Sarah went everywhere together. They walked each other to their classes, ate together at mealtimes, and even played musical beds by rotating the nights they spent in each other’s dorm rooms. Sarah and Mark’s friends began to hint at the amount of time they spent together and without hanging with other groups of students. These remarks only made the two love - birds spend more time away from their friends. Sarah’s roommates complained that they never had the dorm room to themselves so Sarah started spending every night of the week in Mark’s bed. As far as Sarah and Mark went, they continued to exchange their inner-most secrets, as well as their affectionate feelings for one another. It wasn’t long before the words, “I love you” were said and they began to talk about their life together, in the present and in the future. Months turned into years and Mark and Sarah were still a couple into their Junior and Senior year of college. After awhile they began to fight a lot, mostly about trivial things. They would break up and get back together every other week, but it all seemed worth it in the end…until the next fight would occur. Of course, other people were interested in dating Sarah and Mark, but it didn’t seem possible in their eyes to ever be with another person. Or at least not for the moment…..

Mark and Sarah’s situation is very common. Of course, we don’t know how the story ends. Many couples break up before the end of college, and most of the time one person feels swamped by their partner. Sometimes the infatuation turns into obsession and jealousy causes false accusations of cheating. Bottom line is, we are young and should have the freedom to be on our own long enough to know ourselves as an individual. It’s difficult to discover new experiences and meet new people when there is always someone by your side, and I’m not talking about your parents.

Experiences are experiences, and relationships are a part of growing into adulthood, but perhaps relationships should be like a healthy European diet; small meals throughout the day. Take love in small doses until who knows when.

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